Tuesday, October 12, 2010

New Clothes

Yesterday I went to The Gap to buy some men's jeans with my wife, once we were there my wife (who knew i wanted to buy some women jeans) surprisingly told me to go over the women side that she would help me choose some jeans. Nevertheless i was excited and happy about it, my wife has been more open about me wearing women clothes, and helping me choose them is a new step that could help our relationship on the long run, specially when my body and my mood start changing because of the hormones.

Slow Posts

I have been slow on my posts since i have not started the hormones yet, once i start the hormones i will be  updating biweekly at least.

As of today things are good, my wife is getting used to the idea of the hormones, but she does not want me to fully change to a woman.

It has been really hard for her, as she says, her idea about a family and our future have drastically change, she always had the idea of getting older with her husband next to her, and as she put it, that will not be possible once i start taking hormones.

She is not used to the idea of sleeping with another woman either, we are trying to find a middle point, and so far that middle point seems to be taking the hormones without making any drastic changes to my body.

My therapist things that could be a good idea, since there are people who had felt better once they start the hormone therapy.

From my side, i have never been more sure about anything than now, after 30+ years this is something i am really looking for, and the only person who could stop me - my wife - seems to be really supportive about it.

Life is good so far....

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Laser Treatment - 2nd Session

Last week i had my second laser session, it was totally painful. This time it lasted longer than last time, almost 1:15 minutes.

My treatment includes all my body but my back (which is the only place where i dont have any hair). The worst part of the treatment was the face, the pain was one of the worst things i have feel in a long time, it was so bad that the woman doing the treatment was really apologetic about it.

Anyway, i can't wait for my next appointment by the end of October, it is a nice feeling to see the hair disappearing after just two treatments.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Hormone Treatment

I made an appointment with the Gear program to start hormones, the appointment is on 1/11/11.

My wife and I have not taken any decision yet, but I wanted to be prepared, the waiting time for the appointment is five months. In case we decide not to continue with the transition I will cancel the appointment.

More information about hormones can be found at the Transgender Care Center. This is a good place for people who do not want to go and see a doctor, but i highly recommend to go to a doctor who can monitor blood levels.

Laser Treatment

My wife and I started laser treatment on August 14, we found an amazing place with really good prices, she is just doing the brazilian and her lower legs, and I am doing *almost* everything, beard, chest, stomach, armpits, brazilian, and full legs. The pain was not that bad for the first appointment. I can't wait till the next appointment on September 18.

The Beginning

I decided to start this blog to have a record about the different changes that will be happening in my life on the next several months. This blog also helps as a diary for my family and other people to understand more about me and why I chose this road.

I am 33, born male, I will identify myself as M for the time being to protect the people around me. I have a beautiful wife, known as Ma, and a beautiful 7 months daughter, known as C. Everything is perfect with our lives, we have perfect jobs, we go out, have plenty of friends and we are able to afford nice vacations every year. We are what people would call a perfect family.

But there is one small detail, I am known as a pre op transexual, this is a person who identify himself / herself with the other gender. In other words, it is somebody who feels he / she is on the wrong body, for more information go to http://www.docbushong.com/pubs/what_is_gender.asp. The following is a definition taken from Dr. Bushong paper:

“Men and women whose gender identity more closely matches the other physical sex are termed transsexual. These individuals desire to rid themselves of their primary and secondary sexual characteristics and live as members of the other sex. Transsexuals are diagnostically divided into the sub-categories of Primary or Secondary.”

I have felt like this since I have use of reason, I always preferred to play with my sister's toys or wear her or my mother's clothes. But due to my culture (like always happens in every other culture in the world) where guys with feminine manners were relegated an known as the worst thing in the world, I was able to create a wall to hide my feelings and was able to grow as a normal male.

I will write about my life history for the last 33 years, and how I was able to live with my feelings later on.

This year something changed inside me, and my feelings and desires to be a woman grow to be as strong as I have never felt in my life, it is difficult to control this feeling anymore, and I decided to do something about it.

Last July I got the help of an amazing psychologist, and she has been a lot of help, she knows my desires to be a woman, and she knows I am woman trap in a man's body, talking to her has been amazing and she has helped me to find the best way to talk to my wife about it.

As much as I want to start the transition, I know for sure that I love my wife, and without being afraid of being wrong, she would be the only person that will make me reconsider my decision, in other words, if it means losing her I will really think about stoping what I want to do.

I talked to my wife, Ma, last week, it was a difficult conversation, but I explained to her my feelings, and what was happening. She did not freak out or leave right away. She listened and cried from time to time, nevertheless she was in shock (and still is), but she said that she would support me with anything I want to do....

But there is a catch, if I go over the transition, once things start happening, and my body start changing she wouldn't be my wife anymore, the way she say it, “we could be the best friends in the world, but I do not want to kiss another woman”.

My problem is, as much as I want to change my body, I do not want to hurt my wife or to end this beautiful relationship. I love my wife and I do not want to lose her, even if it means to stop my dreams and not to follow my feelings.

In other words, we will be really happy as a family, but I wouldn't be that happy as an individual.

My ideal (and this is just an ideal), would be for Ma to take me for what I am, a woman, and to be able to live together as a couple for the rest of our lives as a woman to woman relationship. But this is just an ideal and it would be really difficult for it to happen.